Should I reschedule my wedding?

6 tips from 6 couples who have postponed their weddings due to the Coronavirus pandemic.

Wedding planning is usually full of joy, excitement, and anticipation.  Yes, sometimes it’s a little stressful when trying to organize the table settings or when dealing with certain in-laws, but at this point, we’re all longing for the days when those were our biggest challenges.

A global pandemic isn’t usually on the checklist of planning your dream wedding, and it’s not a welcome addition. I’m seeing a lot of my couples grappling with whether or not they should reschedule their wedding. And if so, how? I’ve also seen a lot of articles and resources written by wedding pros, but I wanted to talk to other couples who have already been through the rescheduling process. What helped them? And do they have any advice for other couples who are dealing with the same thing? Turns out, they do!

For many of the couples I spoke with, the decision to reschedule their wedding was made for them.  “On March 24th, our venue contacted us and said they were rescheduling all events through end of May. This made it a bit easier for us since the decision became out of our hands;” said Claire, who was supposed to wed this May.

Like many couples, you may want to wait until your venue makes the call or the government makes a mandate that will force you to postpone your wedding.  But you don’t necessarily have to wait.

Juliet and Silvano postponed their June wedding back in March, even though their wedding date was still a possibility. “The real turning point for us was when the groom’s mom, a travel agent, had serious doubts about wanting to make the trip from Europe in June,” they explained. “For us, the prospect of her not feeling comfortable coming (even if at that point she were technically able to) was when we knew we’d reschedule. We never wanted our guests to feel like they were choosing between putting their health at risk and being there for us.”

This is a real conversation you two can have tonight.  Do you want to wait it out and have the wedding if possible?  Or are there other factors that will trigger you to postpone?  What are those factors?

2. Discuss what is truly important to you about getting married and having a wedding.

“Think through all of the options and scenarios,” suggested Lauren, whose May 24th wedding was postponed to October 25th. “Are you guys cool with waiting a year or more or do you want to get married sooner? Want to cancel your big wedding and just plan something small? What about a week day wedding if your venue doesn’t have weekends available?  Asking and answering those questions made us feel like we had some control in an uncontrollable situation.”

Juliet and Silvano added “Remind yourselves what about your wedding is important to you and then make that the priority in the rescheduling decision.”  If you haven’t had this conversation together, now might be the time.  If your large wedding becomes impossible, do you definitely want to push it to a safer time?  Or might you want to downsize to a smaller, intimate wedding?

Claire, who moved their May wedding to August 8th, mentioned “We are hoping since it is a small wedding, we will be able to do it then. If not, I think we will still get married that date in whatever capacity is possible.”

3. “Be in touch with all your vendors,” recommended Julia, who moved her wedding from April 11th to August 18th.  “Just keep checking in if you’re still in that stage of ‘We’re gonna wait until we have more information.’ Get a sense of availability and try to come up with a Plan B, a contingency, just ‘cause you never know.”

Anthony and Alex, whose March 21st wedding was moved to November 8th, echo that sentiment. “Don’t be afraid to broach the subject with your vendors and partners. Lay the groundwork sooner rather than later to minimize the lingering anxiety that comes with the anticipation of a wedding.”

Having a Plan B, even if you’re not yet ready to pull the trigger, may lessen your anxiety in the moment.  It’s also great to know what will be possible for your vendor team.  (We are here for you!!)

4. Find other people who are in a similar situation.

Many couples said that it was most helpful to speak with other people that are in your shoes.  Julia had a good friend and a coworker who were both in a similar situation. “I didn’t feel alone through the whole thing because I knew so many other people who were having to do the same thing” she said. “Just talking to other people about it, knowing I’m not the only one dealing with this, it felt way less lonely, like ‘This is some terrible thing just happening to me.’”

Even if you don’t happen to know someone in this situation, they are out there. Rachael, who postponed her May 2nd wedding to New Year’s Eve, joined a Brides of New Jersey Facebook group, and she said “It’s helpful to see that there’s other people going through it.” She mentioned that there are a lot of brides with weddings in June, July, August, and even the fall months that are posting their wedding dates and seeing what other people with the same dates are doing. “You get a sense of – Are people rescheduling?  Are people not?”

Logistics aside, it’s been a source of comfort for Rachael. “It’s nice to see like – OK, all these other May people have moved their weddings as well. Everybody’s feeling the same thing: There are people dying, there’s a pandemic.  Am I allowed to be upset about this? And the answer is ‘Yes’ and you can see that when you see other people going through it.”

If you’re feeling alone in this, now might be a great time to join a local Facebook group for couples that are currently planning their weddings. Julia and Rachael also mentioned helpful forums within Wedding Wire and The Knot.

5. Accept that there are a lot of unknowns.

This is the big toughie, but unfortunately, we just don’t know how this is going to play out.

“I think it is important to accept that whatever initial plan you had may change in some capacity, possibly multiple times,” said Claire, who postponed her wedding from May to August.

Even though Rachael and Jason moved their wedding to New Year’s Eve, she’s still taking things day by day. “I am still a little panicky that it’s coming back in November and all of a sudden we’re gonna have to change it again, but… that’s future problems.”

As difficult as it may seem, we do have to surrender to the reality that the future is unknown.

6. Finally, and perhaps most importantly, take this opportunity to strengthen your relationship and turn towards your fiance.

“I would say it’s made us stronger as a couple,” said Alex. “The peak moments of when we were making the decision to postpone was a true relationship test. I felt lucky to have Anthony by my side as we were going through this difficult time together and we were leaning on each other.”

“We’re so good and we’re so much closer from it,” said Julia.  “In our relationship, we’ve had ups and downs, we’ve had challenges that we’ve had to face together, but this was really us having to work together to move things around and strategize, so it’s brought us even closer together.  We’ve really worked as a team through a lot of this.  It’s so corny, but it’s true.”

Planning or rescheduling a wedding and wanna chat? Feel free to email me at davidBperlman@gmail.com or click the Contact button below.